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Old 02-09-2021, 10:06 AM   #401
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Re: Joke Thread

More snow
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Old 02-09-2021, 12:04 PM   #402
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Re: Joke Thread

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Making good use of the snow
So fa, so good
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Old 02-09-2021, 12:29 PM   #403
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Re: Joke Thread

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Making good use of the snow

Sofa Surfing...

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Old 02-12-2021, 08:33 AM   #404
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Re: Joke Thread

Finally got a bucket seat that is comfortable

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Old 02-12-2021, 05:41 PM   #405
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Re: Joke Thread

Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?"
A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week. Why?"
The CEO said, "Wait right here." He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back."
Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"
From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy.
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Old 02-12-2021, 09:17 PM   #406
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Re: Joke Thread

Haha! That’s a nice tip.
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Old 02-13-2021, 02:37 PM   #407
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Re: Joke Thread

Good ol Frank
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, could do everything right
Passenger: "Wow, some guy then."
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well... I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his wife."
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Old 02-15-2021, 09:58 PM   #408
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Re: Joke Thread

Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.

Looking up, he asks the Lord. "God, what does a million years mean to you?"

The Lord replies, "A minute."

Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"

The Lord replies, "A penny."

Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?"

The Lord replies, "In a minute."
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Old 02-16-2021, 09:54 AM   #409
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Re: Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by davischevy View Post
Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.

Looking up, he asks the Lord. "God, what does a million years mean to you?"

The Lord replies, "A minute."

Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"

The Lord replies, "A penny."

Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?"

The Lord replies, "In a minute."

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Old 02-16-2021, 10:52 AM   #410
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Re: Joke Thread

burp....
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Most women like the strong, silent type… Fortunately for me, my wife prefers the out-of-shape, mouthy type.
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Old 02-16-2021, 11:06 AM   #411
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Re: Joke Thread

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burp....
Well,..... I think I'm done with breakfast!........
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Old 02-16-2021, 12:37 PM   #412
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Re: Joke Thread

A guy from North Dakota goes over to Montana for a logging job.

His new friends invite him to go to the bar with them after working in the woods all day. They tell him there is a bar where you buy two drinks and get the third one free.

"That's nothing," says the guy from North Dakota. "Back home we got a bar where you go in, the first drink is free, then the second drink is free, the third drink is free, and then you get to go out in the alley and get laid."

"Wow?" the Montana loggers reply. "Just where is this bar?"

"Oh, I've never been there myself," the North Dakotan responds. "My sister was telling me about it."
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Old 02-16-2021, 12:49 PM   #413
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Re: Joke Thread

Highway dept got wise. Better than salt brine.
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Old 02-16-2021, 12:59 PM   #414
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Re: Joke Thread

The times
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Last edited by Boog; 02-16-2021 at 02:55 PM.
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Old 02-16-2021, 05:08 PM   #415
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Re: Joke Thread

Here’s the plan
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Old 02-17-2021, 06:52 AM   #416
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Re: Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Boog View Post
Here’s the plan
Isn't it the truth!!
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Old 02-17-2021, 10:49 AM   #417
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Re: Joke Thread

My retirement party.

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Old 02-17-2021, 12:56 PM   #418
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Re: Joke Thread

They haven't gotten that warm and fuzzy thing down yet have they?
It's not the thought but the cake that matters.
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Old 02-17-2021, 01:07 PM   #419
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Re: Joke Thread

You gotta love teachers.
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Old 02-17-2021, 02:37 PM   #420
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Re: Joke Thread

Definition of a teacher: One with way more patience than me.
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Old 02-20-2021, 12:48 AM   #421
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Re: Joke Thread

It looks like old Barn won some race and he's real happy but that sure isn't Thelma Lou.
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Old 02-20-2021, 12:23 PM   #422
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Re: Joke Thread

Do you know why the Yap Islanders use that stone money?


Because they can't budge it.
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Old 02-20-2021, 09:07 PM   #423
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Re: Joke Thread

at least 2 characters
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Old 02-20-2021, 09:22 PM   #424
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Re: Joke Thread

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at least 2 characters
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Old 02-20-2021, 09:48 PM   #425
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That's what it said I had to type
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